How to ensure a spot in my heart for you:

1) Cross the street in the middle of the block. At night. Wearing dark clothing.
2) Hit a dog and don’t slow down – weave a bit; the dog will eventually roll free.
3) Explode in a rage of fury – cursing and flailing, in the middle of a department store – at your 1 year old child.
4) Wear clothing that would be considered perfect – by a stripper in the middle of her act.
5) Or that would look too big on an elephant.
6) Communicate using words and phrases that only you understand, since you made them up this morning, and then get upset because I can’t tell you where the frizzle frazzle is jizzle.
7) Communicate using obscene language, especially the “F” bomb every other word.
8) Communicate in the language from your home country, get upset when no one is able to communicate back, and then raise such a stink that the entire government capitulates and starts publishing everything in your language. You want everything printed in your language? Go to the country where everything is printed in that language. If you want to stay/live/work in the US, learn English.
9) Publicly blame your background/upbringing/parents/economic status for your actions. Never accept that what you have reaped is exactly what you have sown.

Can you tell I am not happy with today’s conventions? Whatever happened to personal responsibility, and pride in your appearance? Whatever happened to being afraid to jaywalk, much less break any other law, because if the cops didn’t get you your mother would? Does the phrase “Wait ’til your father gets home” have any meaning anymore? It used to scare the bad out of me real quick. Why do some people expect respect when they don’t give any – to their peers, their followers, their elders, their parents, their teachers, or even themselves?

My mother used to tell us all the time – “You won’t get along with anyone until you can get along with the person in the mirror.” If you didn’t respect yourself, you wouldn’t respect others. If you had no regard for your own life, you would have no regard for anyone (or anything) else’s life.

My pastor gave me a piece of advice that I’ve been incorporating in my everyday life, whenever I see something endearing: “People are retarded. That’s the only explanation.”

He may be on to something.

Note: The following is HUMOR. If you are humor impaired, or just plain liberal, please ask a conservative to explain it to you:

Just got a new Infiniti QX56 a few days ago. I returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

“Watch this,” he said, “Nelson!” The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”

“Willie!,” he said … and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say,”Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said “Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

“Idiots!!” I yelled.

Suddenly the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, and Bill Clinton on sax.

I love this car.

Happiest of Christmas greetings to each and everyone of you!

I have a few posts in the works; some may see the light of day, others may just be catharsis for my thoughts. I hope to be able to get back to my semi-irregular posting schedule after the New Year; things are blocking any progress here.

Two things for my two or three readers to consider, leading into this Christmas Weekend:

1) YOU are invited to attend the Christmas Day Service at Harvest Christian Fellowship Arizona, located at 2232 W. Campbell (halfway between Indian School and Camelback) at 1:30 p.m. Christmas Day. First, you will be blessed with the fellowship of Christians; second, you will get the chance to hear my singing voice; third (and most importantly), you will get to hear about the Christ!

2) If you or someone you know would be interested in adopting Princess, please let me know. E-mail your phone number and name to me at carycartterATgmailDOTcom, I will call you with the details. She is about 17 months old, very loving (except to other dogs, so she must be the only dog), and very energetic. Princess does not like our four girl dogs and tolerates our boy dog, but she has not shown any affection to any other dogs at all. She finds cats to be fascinating – she will watch them very closely, as if they were about to make off with the family silver, but she doesn’t bother them. We need to find a home for her, as her presence has bad memories for a couple of our dogs and everyone is on eggshells while she is with us.

Blessings and peace of the season to all of you, and Merry Christmas!

I am still working on getting comfortable with the concept of a blog. For example, the back story of the previous entry is a long and drawn out affair, but it is something that I still need to work through. It certainly isn’t going to appear on the blog any time soon.

Suffice it to say that due to someone’s “reformed” actions, a close friend is no longer able to share Christmas with his family.

Lord, forgive my hatred, soften my heart, and have mercy on Mr. Williams’ soul.

Stanley “Tookie” Williams was put to death this morning at 12:35 am by lethal injection.

Maybe now, Tio, you can rest in peace.