An Open Letter
March 4th, 2009 . by CaryGot this in an e-mail from Jim Baxter. There’s more than a grain of truth in this:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall, Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
I am, quite frankly, tired of hearing how “bad” we Americans are for the earth. China is the leading producer of so-called “greenhouse emissions” and yet the US is the one being told to comply to a treaty we didn’t ratify. All the Euro-weenie countries who DID ratify Kyoto sure talked a good game – and it looks like only four of the however many might actually come close to their Kyoto goals. All talk, no action. And the US is the bad guy?
Get bent, world. Your opinion does not run this country, no matter what Obama and the Clintons may tell you.
Chat ya later…
Thank you for stopping by, In GOD We Trust, God bless you all, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!
Cary, as Mr Wall so clearly intimates, we are about to reach a startling crescendo in this country. I fear it will be not be pretty, that it will be very messy and perhaps even violent. I fear the Left has no idea at what point to stop denigrating the average American citizen and taxpayer. Storm clouds are beginning to bunch on the horizon.
BZ
No, the Left has no idea what they are poking with their liberal schtick – I mean, stick – but my guess is they will learn a hard and fast lesson, and then forget it within ten years and try it again.
That is, if any liberals survive the initial confrontation.
I wrote a similar post some time ago, Cary. At the time I thought I was being humorous. Now I agree with BZ… I think it’s just a question of time before I’m lining up front/rear sights on what used to be my fellow citizens. If you care, you can read my post here.
(I don’t know if I can hot link here, so here is the post:)
http://pitchpull.blogspot.com/2006/07/red-state-secession.html
The problem with this scenario, as I see it, is that after giving these bozos exactly what they want, we’d pretty quickly find ourselves in a similar situation to what we now have with Mexico… our borders would be invaded by the lawless, hungry, sick, and abused, and we’d have to defend ourselves against them. So, Wall’s statement, “You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. “, would likely mean we’d be hammering our former fellow citizens to protect ourselves. Of course we’ll have most of the guns and virtually all of the discipline to quell such a threat, but what do we do with them when we’ve conquered them?
(Slavery would still be illegal, right?)
Since there are more Leftards that live on the east coast, + hurricanes and crap weather I say we let them have the east and we have the west. And Hollywood Florida becomes the new Hollyweird.
GB – that was before I discovered you. I just read it, and I think it would be a great idea.
Perhaps it may come to that. Perhaps the blues will finally see the error of their ways before they implode themselves and drag this country with them.
Jenn – another great idea. Maybe if we got all the Reds together, and had a straight up-and-down vote, we’d get this fixed in a hurry.
I’m for that. The Left can keep the right coast, and we’ll keep The West safe.
BZ
It always comes down to keeping the West safe from the ones who want to ruin it…
Yeah, we sure don’t want San Francisco ruined, right guys? ;>)
Always pointing out the exception!
Divorce Agreement
Dear American conservatives, rightists, reactionaries, fascists and Republican supporters, et al:
We liberals would prefer to stick with our family values and work things out rather than go through a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. We always believe things can be worked out (music fade in……”We are the World, We are the Children”, and “Imagine”…music fade out).
However, we know you conservatives change partners as fast as televangelists change wives. We understand that you are just remaining true to your American Revolutionary spirit.
We liberals may have our heads in the clouds, but fortunately (for us) and unfortunately (for you), we have the lion’s share of the lawyers. Now lawyers are tricky devils, and they tell me you forgot to divide some rather important property. Should you agree to the following, I’m sure our divorce will be fair and amicable and we won’t put up too much of a fuss:
First:
We’ll take all the scientists that belong to the National Academy of Sciences, and you can take the states most affected by global warming or as some of you like to say “climate change”.
Second:
You take high gasoline prices and mega houses, and we’ll take electric cars, solar panels, and wind mills. We’ll put up with some short term sacrifices so that so we aren’t supporting the mega rich oil nations that are bent on our destruction. You can continue to do business with the House of Saud.
Third:
We’ll take the open source programmers, and the other denizens of Silicon Valley, and you can take the graduates of Bob Jones University who believe man walked with dinosaurs. Of course, you won’t have any vaccines or antibiotics for infectious diseases since those medicines are developed solely on the theory of evolutionary biology, but we’ll cede to you the “laying on of hands” for your medical R&D. And let us not forget that your conservative legislators can just pass laws against viruses or bacterium. Wow, conservatives really do have a comprehensive medical plan!
Fourth:
We’ll take NPR any day over Rush Limbaugh and his illegal drug habit. By the way, you’ll be glad you kept your SUVs since you will need one to fit him into – maybe two. Just don’t forget his “stash”. He gets testy without it.
Fifth:
Remember that Universal Health Care is our baby. We sincerely hope you will find a job that will give you health care or hasn’t been shipped overseas.
Sixth:
I don’t think you can take all of the Armed Forces. Colin Powell and the other Obama supporters in the Armed Forces will probably come with us. Of course we’re happy to let you have Hurricane Katrina, while we keep the Navy Seals that took out the Somali pirates.
Seventh:
I predict that when we take all the “liberal Hollywood producers”, you’ll find a number of conservatives who crossover to see their favorite TV programs or big budget films. TV and movies made by conservatives don’t play so well with the masses, liberal or conservative. I’ll bet more time is spent by conservatives watching TV and movies than reading the Bible and going to church.
Please speak with our lawyers if this is amenable to you. We’re out saving the whales right now.
P.S. Oh, and please take Bernie Madoff and AIG with you. Both flourished under Bush, Inc. They’ll feel right at home with you guys.
atlanta, I will let your comment appear, if for no other reason than to allow your own words to point out how you make more generalizations about conservatives (wrong ones, by the way) than all the generalizations I have EVER made about liberals.
Realize that I am not the author, but I do agree with the letter. And, if you could simply understand the premise (I know it’s hard for you, since you are about three months behind the curve on replying) then you would realize that it would be up to each person to decide which side they would be on – so “claiming” the results of work done long ago is kinda presumptuous, doncha think?
Thanks. There’s a grain in truth in my letter too. I don’t really save whales and I’m not crazy about lawyers. I just wanted to have some fun with a completely opposite viewpoint. Someone actually just emailed me this letter from John J. Wall. I thought it was quite clever.
Thanks for stopping by, atlanta.