Well, it seems the doctor didn’t like my cholesterol and triglyceride numbers. OK, they would make a really decent bowling average and a terrific outer-loop interstate number, respectively. So – what does that mean to me, an average, middle-aged white guy? It means I have to drop my Real Thing habit. Now. It means I can no longer feast on white rice, white pasta, white bread, or white sugar. Great. That’s most of my “diet.” Steak is on the less-desirable list, but chicken and fish are preferred. The Other White Meat is lower in preference than the chicken and fish, but higher than the beef.

As far as an exercise program, he said to start one. I asked him how he knew I wasn’t already exercising – he said he could tell. Maybe the Krispy Kreme in my hand gave it away, or the gut the box from Krispy Kreme was sitting on…