An innocuous question, one that would not be out of place almost anywhere except where I was standing.

The lady, who appeared to have been bereft of the pleasure of sleeping under a roof for a while, had a cigarette dangling from her lips at the time. There was no way she could tell her odds of getting a light from me were way down for several reasons – I myself hadn’t smoked in well over ten years, therefore I no longer carried a lighter or matches with me; I am no longer in the habit of helping others in their bid for a long drawn out suicide attempt; and I didn’t think she needed another one, since her voice was already about a half-octave lower than mine. Oh, yeah – I was also standing at the rear of my vehicle with a gasoline nozzle in my hand. In a gas station. At night.

(OK, the “at night” bit wasn’t needed, but I like it when there is an odd number of rifts to finish a paragraph. Especially in sarcasm.)

She seemed genuinely insulted when I said “No, and even if I did, I wouldn’t give you a light standing on top of 50,000 gallons of gasoline.”

“Well, I wouldn’t light it up right here.” Great. She’s a heavy thinker.

“Oh, so I would just give you my lighter, you would stand off the property by a step or two, light up, and then walk back over here with a lit cigarette in your hand to return my lighter? I would have to pass on that opportunity also.”

(Please note that I used to drive a fuel truck. 10,000 gallons of gasoline right behind you gives you an alarmingly clear view of some of the stupid stunts that are pulled by less attentive Darwin nominees. I also know that a lit cigarette is slightly less likely to cause a gasoline explosion than an open flame, but why mess with the odds?)

Those of you who feel for the makers of Darwinistic attempts will be happy to know that she did, finally, get a light – from a fellow fool who pulled into the gas station with a lit cigarette in his hand hanging out his window. Wouldn’t want to smell up the inside of the car now, would we?