As regular readers of this irregular blog may know, I recently started a new career path. I am an independent contractor, delivering bulk volumes of newspapers to retail outlets and also to news racks. This takes place between 2300 and 0600 hours, at least in theory.

The main publication is a statewide newspaper, with sections specifically printed for the different towns and cities in Arizona. The plant I pick up the bundles from also loads out to Yuma, Flagstaff, Tucson, and other areas.

Within the Phoenix metropolitan area, there are many zip codes. Each zip code, because of the density of the population here, is basically a retail route. The routes are grouped in zones. The zones that are further out from the loading dock are loaded first. My two routes (they used to be one, then they got split, then they got recombined, now they are split again – it’s complicated) are about five miles from the dock, each route is in a different zone, so I have two load schedules to watch and I am usually one of the last ones to load. Monday and Tuesday mornings are first come first served, so I get in line early so I can get home early.

The two routes take me about five hours to run. One of them is a two hour route, the other is two and a half hours. If I leave the dock no later than 0100 hours, then (this is where theory is proved wrong night after night) I can complete both routes by 0600. Otherwise, I need someone to run the shorter route in order to have both completed on time. Mondays and Tuesdays I can run the route myself; the rest of the week I’ve been finishing between 0700 and 0730 hours due to the late load times.

I pull a 4×8 utility trailer with my Infinity QX4. The trailer is rated at one ton. I push that limit every day.

Things I have learned this week:
1. Certain people think it’s a crime to pull a utility trailer with a “luxury” SUV. I keep telling them that it’s just a fancy Pathfinder.
2. I can get two route runs out of a tank of gas. Gas prices have been climbing all week. Ouch.
3. Before 0600 hours, or sunrise, whichever occurs first, certain traffic rules do not apply.
4. Like full stops.
5. And right on red after a full stop.
6. And Stop signs, No Left Turn signs, and those pesky “Speed Limit” signs.
7. And what exactly does “Exit Only” mean, when the drop box is right there?
8. Speed rules.
9. There is a difference between “speed” meaning velocity of travel and “speed” meaning efficiency of movement. Guess which one matters most when you have two hours to complete three hours of work?
10. Red lights are at least five times longer at 0230 than they are at 0800, and green lights are diametrically shorter.
11. Explaining the type of vehicle you have to the new lady guard working a graveyard shift since I’m retired and really haven’t had anything to do since my dear husband departed and just sitting around the house will kill you faster than anything especially of you don’t have family close by because my husband, God rest his soul, insisted that retiring to Arizona was a wonderful idea, since the weather was always pleasant and we both enjoyed golf so much and there are so many courses here to choose from; what kind of truck is that? An Infinity? I’ve never heard of that before my husband used to drive over the road in a Mack, have you ever heard of those and he would take me along sometimes and we would travel the country I would have to take vacation time to do that since my job at the county courthouse was pretty strict about taking time off on a regular basis to avoid burnout you know that will kill you faster than anything if you don’t take some time off to relax once in a while and what model is it? A QX4? I’ve never heard of that either but you know what it looks just like the Pathfinder our oldest grandson just bought, used of course, no sense spending that much money on something that won’t be worth half as much as soon as you drive it off the lot you know what I mean? it seems they entered the wrong information on your entry sheet is your license number ______? Yes, you see, they have it down as something else entirely here I swear it seems like no one takes pride in what they do any more. My husband was very proud of the fact that he never once had an accident in his Mack, not even a fender bender takes forever.

Number six probably surprises a lot of you, especially considering how adamant I am about speed limits during commutes and driving long distances. OK, just commuting time. When your stops are clustered about a mile apart, it takes f o r e v e r to get to the next one. Ten over takes some of the anxiety out of whether or not you’ll ever get there.

Things I have known, but have been refreshed this week:
1. Trailers pull easier with a little more weight in front of the axle.
2. Unloading a trailer unevenly is worse than loading it wrong in the first place – loading shows the problems when you pull away from the dock, unloading unevenly increases problems exponentially over time.
3. Backing a trailer with a shorter hitch-to-axle length than the tow vehicle’s wheelbase is touchy – one wrong move and the trailer gets crossed up very quickly.
4. Knives are sharp. Especially twine knives, which are worn like a ring on your cutting hand, and are handy to have when stocking store shelves. However, the non-cutting index finger needs to stay out of the way.
5. Sleep deprivation can produce auditory and visual hallucinations.
6. Policemen have NO sense of humor at 0430.
7. Getting adjusted to a night shift schedule makes sleeping interesting – the sleep you do get never lasts long enough.

Well, that about sums up why I haven’t written in so long. What’s up with you all?

Thank you for stopping by, God bless you all, Wear Red on Fridays, and write in Cary Cartter for President in 2008!

Tag: Write in Cary Cartter for President in 2008