I apologize for the length, and for the lack of communication –
Let me start on Thursday, late at night, when I posted the “Wear Red On Friday” reminder – that day, we were supposed to go up to Las Vegas to see TMBWitW’s mother, who had by this time suffered two major strokes, been diagnosed with liver and gallbladder cancer, and had spent three weeks in the hospital in and out of ICU. We cancelled that trip, because it was learned that MiL’s husband (whose name we do not utter) would be there. Thursday around noon, TMBWitW’s cousin, J, called my cell phone and asked how we were doing – where were we? I told him I was at work, he expressed surprise that we weren’t in Vegas. After explaining the MiL’s husband, J said no, he’s on his way to San Diego running the Hardware Chain delivery truck. Well, nuts. So much for intel from immediate family members.
Because the trip on Thursday had been scuttled, we were planning on going Saturday, when MiL’s husband would be working – according to the same intel sources as before. Which, by the way, are still faulty. No, he’ll be at the hospital, since he has the weekend off. He will, however, be working Monday (Labor Day) because he gets paid time and a half or whatever. (please note that I am not saying anything at all about this guy’s loyalty to money – he would rather work than have the chance to visit his ailing wife…) Saturday’s trip scuttled, back-up plans attempted to be made to rehearse the band for Sunday’s service – no dice; communications were missed, phone calls not returned, general consensus to just sing some of the standards with the CDs as back up. Also on Saturday, family members were cautioned by the doctor not to discuss MiL’s medical condition with her, or within her earshot, as it was determined that this knowledge may hinder her treatment and/or recovery. Naturally, the loving, considerate, life partner asshole of a husband went straight in and told her what her medical condition was.
Sunday marked thirteen years since my Dad passed away. It may get buried deeper, but it is never forgotten.
Sunday’s service is scheduled for 5:30 p.m. The Pastor called me at 4:15 p.m., and said “Hey, bring your bass – we’re going to play after all.” This should be pretty, right? Well … not so much. Not real good, but not bad considering I didn’t have chord charts for the songs we were going to be playing… so I spent most of the time looking over the Pastor’s shoulder, and playing on the fly. Yeah, like I’m good enough to do THAT all the time…
Monday, 5:15 a.m. – the sun’s not up, but we are leaving the house for the Vegas run. The plan is to call the cousin, J, and arrange to pick them up for the ride to Vegas. J finds out that there is a meeting with the doctor at 9:00, so he heads up early with his wife, S, and calls us around 7:00 to let us know the change in plans. The husband, oldest daughter A and TMBWitW’s twin, M, along with J, will be in the meeting. You read that right – MiL’s husband is still in Vegas at this point.
Rest stops at Wikieup and Kingman, then on into Vegas, arriving at 10:30. The meeting is still going on, but M has already retreated to the cafeteria, in tears. We learn that MiL has level 4 cancer, inoperable, and six months to live. She will be moved to Kingman on Tuesday to go into Hospice care at A’s house.
J came down from the meeting with the news that MiL’s husband left to go to work. Also, further news that MiL has been moved to a private room for the day. The transport to Kingman has an estimated 90% success rate. She will travel with a DNR order; the chances of her surviving much beyond a week if she does make the trip home are very remote. Even if the cancer was not so pervasive, she would end up spending the rest of her life in the hospital, due to the damage caused by the strokes, which is more severe than first thought. The doctor and the rest of the family are pretty sure this chain of events is because she was made aware of her situation; before, she was under the impression she just had a bad stomach ache, or possibly a strong stomach ulcer and she was upbeat, responsive, and ready to conquer the issue and move on. MiL’s husband doesn’t know why she suddenly took a turn for the worse. wattajerk.
We all troop up to visit, and TMBWitW was able to talk to her mom. Mom responded with eye movements and hand squeezes. She was not on a heart monitor, so we couldn’t see if there was a reaction there. As TMBWitW talked to her mom, her mom started crying, which triggered the waterworks in TMBWitW. I needed to leave the room briefly. When I came back in, TMBWitW was talking about memories she had of growing up, of lessons learned from mom, and hopes for the future with the baby on the way.
We visited for a few more hours, then had to go. We had a long drive ahead of us, and I had to work on Tuesday. We stopped for dinner in Kingman, and our waitress told us about the director of the Hospice there in Kingman, who turns out to be the same pastor who performed A’s wedding. That information was passed along to the various people involved, and we left Kingman around 7:00, just in time to chase and then skirt a mountain thunderstorm with lots of lightning and menacing clouds. We got back into Phoenix around 9:15 p.m. and I tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I know that TMBWitW didn’t sleep very well. She has today off, so she slept in this morning. I have an HOA meeting tonight, so I may not see the bed until late again.
I will post an update when I have more information, such as how the transport went and any other updates.
We would like to extend our thanks to everyone who has prayed for MiL’s health and recovery. We feel extremely blessed to have such a far-flung prayer net, and we are humbled by the support and outpouring. May God richly bless every one of you.
Update:
From TMBWitW’s e-mail –
Well, this one is going to be very hard to write. Yesterday was a very difficult day for the family, as many decisions had to be made that no one was ready to make.
Praise the Lord – I got to see my mom, I talked to her, and she squeezed my hand. She has an oxygen mask but no other tubes or wires except for pain and food supplement. I thought this was a good sign, as did my sister (because that is what she wanted to see).
There was a meeting between the doctor, A, my mom’s husband, and my twin sister M. Well, part way through the meeting my twin sister left the room. The doctor says my mom has conservatively 6 months to live.
My mom has Stage 4 cancer – this is considered to be the type that is ‘terminal and spreading too quickly to fix’. My older sister, A, as well as my mom’s husband were forced to make some decisions yesterday that were not easy. Given that mom is in stage 4, surgery is not an option – it would hold no positive results for her. Normally speaking, they do not even offer chemo to stage 4 people. It adds more pain and discomfort to their physical well being and does not provide any long-term improvement.
My cousin told me that in reality the doctor says the only thing that has kept my mom alive thus far is her very strong heart. The stroke left more damage than they originally realized, and even if she had no cancer, her quality of life as a stroke survivor would be to live out the rest of her days in a hospital bed. My sister A says mom would not want that. So, the decision made was to move mom from Vegas to Kingman to hospice, where she will be made comfortable until she passes. She will be given pain medication, and will not be resuscitated if she does not make the drive from Vegas to Kingman.
As of 9am today, the Social Worker was at the Vegas hospital waiting for A to arrive, so that the hospice could be chosen, and the process to begin for movement of mom to Kingman.
This is the hardest part – as some, if not, all of you know, I NEEDED to see my mom, to put closure to our past. I told her I loved her, I told her I forgave her, I told her Jesus is with her, and I talked to her about the good times when we lived at Granny’s house. She cried so I KNOW she knew I was there. I held her hand a long time, and just talked to her. Cary and I prayed over here, for peace, for God to receive her and let her know she was loved. I reminded her that my giving heart was a gift from her. She has ALWAYS put others in front of herself – the last 18 years she has devoted to helping A with her kids anytime, anywhere. She was a very obedient wife, and had an adopted grand-daughter (Shannon, as some of you may know) that she adored. Her name is Grace, and I think very appropriately so. The woman I remember from my childhood, before (her husband), was a woman filled with grace and filled with love. This is WHO I will never forget. I told her how much I had missed her being in my life, and that God had filled my life with such blessing that I wanted the same for her. I told her that all three of her girls were there with her, and I know this made her happy.
As for her actual passing, my cousin J says the doctor in reality believes it will be less than 5 days. All of the arrangements have been made; and her final earthly resting place will be in Rockfield, Illinois at a military arsenal crypt. (her husband was in the military)
I want to thank you ALL for any prayers, emails, calls, or thoughts you may have sent to me and my family. They are deeply appreciated. Please continue to pray for my un-saved family members who want to hang on to mom, and not let her find peace in going home.
Love to you all,
In case you didn’t pick up on it, TMBWitW’s mother had married this guy when TMBWitW and her twin were seven. They did not approve of the marriage, but they were only seven, so no one listened to them. I will post more as I know it.
